This is an account of what went down on a Saturday night during A-kon 14, May 2005.

At one point during A-kon 13, a buddy and I found ourselves walking through a hallway, looking for someone's room. We came to a door not quite closed because of an extended lock bar. The buddy, Mark, thought it was the right room, so we walked on in. It soon became apparent that we were not in the intended location, as instead of a group of familiar faces we found a few young women sitting around the room watching tv. "Whoops, wrong room," we said, backing up. One of them, sitting in a chair at the end of the bed, said, "no, no, it's all right, you can stay!" Mark and I just smiled and shook our heads, then retreated into the hallway. Later we wondered at whether we should have stayed to visit for a while.

At A-kon 14 I mentioned to someone I knew, Joel(pronounced Jole), the concept of 'door-pushing,' which, in practice, would encompass wandering around the hallways of the hotel, pushing on whatever doors we happened to find held open by the lock bar. It wasn't until Saturday night that we actually really considered putting it into practice, as it was late, we were out of stuff to do, and our large roommates had already committed to the task of massive snoring. Said snoring prevented us non-overweight occupants from ever sleeping while they were in the room. One of them, whom I will refer to as Big D, always had this habit of bragging about bringing along a flask of sake. He never actually did anything with it, other than keeping it in his possessions. Joel dug it out of the ice chest(where Big D kept it, despite sake traditionally being served at room temperature), put it in the hotel-provided ice container, then covered it as well as possible with the lid of the container. He said that it could be a peace offering should our intrusions incite anger and malice.

So, with that, we set off. We made a round of the two other wings of our floor, then headed up a floor. Our floor was the 8th, and it was all but devoid of activity. The next floor had a couple of rooms worth pushing, though one had people watching sitcoms, while the other had people sitting around talking about architecture. Not quite the crowd we hoped to bother for an interesting time. Upon reaching the 10th floor, however, our fortunes changed.

We went down one wing and came to a small group of people sitting in the hallway, talking. Thinking that we had little else to do, we stood by and explained a bit about what we were doing. They didn't really understand, but they invited us to join in their conversation. It involved, they explained, a discussion about how some people look really funny or cute when they flick people off. There was a younger kid, half dressed as Naruto, who acted as their sort of unwitting example. When given the signal, he would grudgingly give the middle finger. They were right; it did look pretty funny. Another person came down the hall and asked what we were doing, and the conversation's point was shared with him. He eventually went into a room nearby, and the sitting group stood up and asked if we wanted to join them for something. We said sure, and sort of awkwardly followed them into their room.

The event, we found, was throwing things at people. Firstly they opened the balcony and peered out for potential victims. A group down on the ground happened to walk directly under our tenth story sniper nest, and one of the people in the room went and filled a Spongebob bucket with water. We backed away from the balcony a bit, and one guy let loose with the water. I watched as it turned into a thick mist during its descent, then coating the people standing below. I didn't see the reaction, as by that point I had backed into the room to avoid being seen. Most of them sat down and backed away as well. We then turned off the lights and scrambled to another person's room down the hallway. We stayed there a short while, and then returned to the hallways.

The group decided to send us on a mini-quest. One of the people, who I'll call Ben, told us to go to a room on the 7th floor, knock, and offer the alcohol to a heavyset guy that would probably be smoking. We were sort of wary of being sent to a stranger's place, especially to knock and present alcohol, but we finally relented and went. Our mission was to make the offer and then report back the reaction.

Once down there we knocked on the specified door, only to have it answered by a guy that looked at us confusedly. "We were sent here to offer sake," said Joel. The guy shook his head and asked for us to repeat. Another guy and a girl walked up from inside the room and asked about our intent. We simply repeated our orders. Eventually a third guy came from the back of the room, and he seemed to know a bit about what was going on. "Who sent you?" he asked. Neither of us could remember the name. "Man, that's weird. That sounds like something Ben would do." I indicated that Ben sounded awfully familiar, at which point the guy sorta flipped out angrily. Not angry at us, angry at the mysterious Ben person. Eventually we were told that Ben would be murdered in his sleep. Before we left, the threat was upgraded to castration, then castration in sleep. The people also informed us that they were going to have an elevator party, involving music, food, and a bunch of people packed onto an elevator car. We said we'd keep our eyes open, then departed.

Back on the 10th, we talked to Ben about what would end up happening. At this point a large group of older guys, most of which were dressed as The Warriors, came down the hallway. Some entered a door nearby, others addressed the people we didn't really know, and to one or two Joel and I explained the whole door pushing sake event. They created a big noise for a while, and some stayed out talking with us. It saddens me to think that I will never remember word-for-word some of the things that they said, as it was all truly awesome material. All that Joel and I could do was stand there and laugh and laugh. A lot of it sounded "recited," in a sort of Jerky Boys way. One guy with a gruff, accented voice would start most of it with, "man, remember that metal concert back in '74?", followed by a handshake and various "yeaaah"s. None of them looked much older than their 20's, making such memories really impossible. But the descriptions were still incredibly amusing.

"Man, remember when we used to snuff drifters for an erection? Yeah, sometimes, when you just can't get it up, nothing beats takin' a knife to a drifta. Then it's like that!" (middle finger gesture) One of The Warriors, who was wearing a tie as a headband, came up to Joel and I and said, "I really love conventions. They're the real time off, ya know? On Monday it's back to buyin' stocks and business memos. But now, now I get to dress like a Warrior and wear a tie on my head. You know what I'm talkin' about?" He walked around us and struck a pose, which was followed by a very distinctive ripping sound. The people standing behind him pointed and commented on a shattered seam. "Oh, you like the look of that?" he said before striking the pose more intensely, which caused an even louder tearing sound. He eventually just reached back with both hands and ripped the back of his pants open, exposing his white boxers. He ran past me holding them out, and I turned to Joel with a laugh. When I looked back, the guy had his front pants pockets inside out, which he grabbed, saying, "Haha, lookit that, I gots handlebars for my face bruisa!" I lost it at that point.

Joel and I soon decided to move on. We tried another room before leaving that wing of the hotel, though some bitter-looking goth people came to the door. They were leaving, and seemed angry to be alive, as most goths tend to be, I suppose. They said that we shouldn't just push on peoples' doors, as we might end up getting our elbows bitten. Joel and I tried some upper floors, then went back down. On the 29th we found a couple of young women and a guy sitting in the hallway, so we walked up and said hi. We talked a bit, explaining our event, and what had happened prior to our arriving. (we later found that the two girls were outside because they were locked out of their room and were waiting for their roommates, one of which I had happened to photograph the previous day.)

At one point during the conversation we heard an enormous amount of noise coming from the elevators, and I ran over there to see one of the elevator doors open. Inside were packed at least a dozen people. A boombox, hidden behind the mass of flesh and screaming, played some techno music. A guy in the back corner yelled, "security told us it was a safety hazard for so many people to be in here! Some of you, GET OUT!!" The door slid closed, and the sounds moved down and out of range.

Another guy I know, Scott, came by and hung out. The three that we were talking to seemed really keen to the idea of door-pushing, so they came along with us for another round. At the end of a hall we found one door ajar, though we found that it was open because of a repair man working on the air conditioner. A tremendously foul odor greeted us soon after learning that, and we vacated the area. Another door opened to a dark room full of people talking loudly. Upon noticing us, they yelled that they were trying to sleep. Near that room, before the elevators, I found a pager on the ground behind a large cardboard cutout display. "Wow, now I have a pager!" I said, clipping it onto my pocket.

Scott eventually led our small group to Mark's room. We all went in, introducing the three strangers. Nothing was really going on in there, though there was an abundance of alcohol present. I and the three new people went outside and sat for a while, just talking. A couple of people walked up, and we invited them to the group. I played with the pager a bit, though I only succeeded in turning it off. I received a couple of pages, though the numbers didn't work when called. After some introductions within the group, we started wondering about Joel's status. We sent someone in to ask, and eventually Joel came outside. We all talked for a while.

During this time a guy ran up in a huff. I recognized him as the guy that threatened to castrate Ben. "H-have you seen any people wearing shirts like me?" he said in a panic. He was wearing a cheap white shirt upon which was written with a Sharpie, 'Elevator Party Crew,' or something to that effect. I recalled hearing a floor up that an elevator full of people had all been arrested by security because of a potential safety hazard. I relayed the info, and he explained that he had stepped out to get something, and when he returned the elevator car was completely empty. We couldn't really help him, so he eventually wandered away in shock and dismay. Joel and I decided to move on.

It was at some point after that that our group started…expanding. As we would walk down halls, people would wander up and follow, or get invited.

"You going anywhere?"

"No, just looking for something to do…"

"Cool, follow us!"

It was when our group's numbers reached the twenties or thirties that Joel and I hatched a plan. As I mentioned before, we shared the room with a few big guys that prevented us from getting sleep. So, we thought that a bit of retribution was in order. We took our newly-acquired mob to the 8th floor, then brought them to our room. "All right, everyone," we explained, "just walk in when the door opens." I unlocked the door and walked in, and I was followed by the masses. As I came to the back wall of the room, I turned and said in a not-so-quiet voice, "don't turn on the lights!" Joel cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled, "don't make ANY noise!" Big D sat up and pulled the blankets up close. Another guy said, "oh, no." The third was silent. Scott turned on the light, and we all said hi. There, with twenty or thirty people standing around. The light went off, and we retreated to the hallway. I think the time was around 3am.

From there another guy decided to bug people in his room. We went down a floor, knocked on a door, and had a guy angrily come and tell us to shut the hell up. Whoops, wrong room. The room in question was actually one floor down. So we all went down. Every time that I would look back onto our group, I would see two or three new faces. I just looked to Joel and shook my head, saying, "man, how did we start this all?" He just shrugged and followed. We got to the right room, but the people inside were confused and never let us inside. We ended up back at the 10th floor, and the guy that had previously had a tie on his head smiled and told us that there was a party in his room. It was an odd, plotting smile he gave us. We piled into the room when the door opened, and were soon after kicked out.

Down another hall we came across a woman and a guy, and they gave us the same odd smile and said to go into their room(I recognized the woman, as I'd photographed her earlier that day). Most of us did, and the group inside sort of panicked upon seeing this sudden mass of people piling into their room. One guy started yelling something about nobody being allowed in unless they were over 21, as there were alcoholic beverages open in the room. Joel walked straight in, as well as a fair portion of our mob. I went aside with the guy and two girls that we'd started our third phase of door pushing with, and we scurried off in retreat. We went back to their floor and sat up near the elevators, inviting people that we saw to join our little introductions and conversation.

A while passed, and we had a fair number again. I stood to let a maintenance guy pass, and I saw Joel step off of an elevator. Behind him was a sort of heavyset lady, as well as his little brother. "Do you still have that pager?" he asked. Yeah, I said, taking it from my pocket. Apparently it belonged to the lady, and she was quite happy to have it returned. She had been looking for it all evening, and had even asked around about it. As our group was so large, she did eventually run into people that recalled my having a pager that I'd found. After I'd been separated from Joel, she managed to track him down as one of two leaders of our little door venture. He knew I had it, so they just went around floors until they found me. I felt like that item's return gave the whole adventure meaning. If the timing had been off on any part of the quest, or if we'd never amassed a group, that lady may have never located her pager.

From there the guy and two girls bid farewell, and Joel, his little brother and I went down to the lobby of the hotel in search of coffee. Whereas the night before the coffee was free, now it had a price tag on it, as well as someone nearby watching over the stand. We sat and explained all that had happened to his little brother, then we were kicked out when the lobby was evacuated. Someone had pulled the fire alarm or something.

Joel and I went by our room to finally drop off the sake, as well as my camera case, which had become quite heavy by that point. We then went over to Mark's room, outside of which was a small group of sitting people. We sat and talked, and Mark brought out some punch and chips. When people would pass, we would invite them to sit and talk a bit, to have something to do. One girl came up saying that she'd been in a party that was broken up, and that she was looking for another. Despite our numbers previously, we were never broken up by security because we kept moving around.

At around 6:30am I could no longer function coherently, so Joel, his little brother and I returned to the room. The sun was up when we arrived, which seemed a bad sign. The big people were still all soundly snoring away, so I went to the curtains and flung them open, filling the room with light. Everyone in there had at least seven hours of sleep by that point, which was quite enough in my mind. The rest of the morning could at least be given to the rest of us. I pulled off my shoes and laid in bed, and closed the night in my mind. Two hours later, I got out of bed for Sunday's stuff.

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